I had a great New Years Eve, I spent it with my close friends in a low key night.  We were planning on going downtown somewhere but soon realized that paying $50 to be a cramped club with overpriced drinks was probably not going to work so we just decided to go to a friends house, drink some wine, and have fun.  And we did have a lot of fun because we just got to hang out and be our crazy selves, and we talked about what we were proud of during 2008.  I realized it was a mixed question for me, although I am so proud of myself and what I accomplished last year, I feel like my life is still a train wreck, but I know that 2009 can only get better and I am excited about the changes that I am going to make sure to happen in my life.  I am proud that I made it though a semester at the U of M, going full time and still being able to spend adequate time with my daughter, I am proud that I moved out of my ex's and took charge of my life, and I am proud that I now have my own apt and am on my way to independence and not depending on the ex for support.

Although I feel like I am in this uphill battle that seems insurmountable, I feel like I will be able to win.  I know that if I hadn't gone back to school, I would have been in a much worse place right now, it has given me a pride in myself that I can do something that seemed impossible, going back to school, without a car, with a daughter to take to daycare and pick up, and all doing this on my own.  I know now that I can do it, I can do all this on my own, I don't need a man to help me out. 

So I am looking forward to 2009 and becoming more stable, I am still looking for a job like everyone else in the world, and I feel like I have a million things to do before the next semester starts, but I now have a new perspective on my life, I know I can do it and I will make it on my own.

Wow, it's been awhile!  I finally now have internet access again at my new place and I am finally all moved in and settled.  I found an amazing apt, with very high ceilings and the old vintage style that I love, plus it's closer to the U of M, so it's nice for going to school.  I am a little stressed out right now at everything that's going on right now, all the forms I need to fill out and turn in, getting a job, and the end of the semester is coming up quick, which means lots of papers and study time that I don't have. 

I got a huge reality check the other day.  I think that I am pretty good at writing papers, English and art were always my strong points in school and writing papers seemed really easy to me so usually in college, I could just bs my way through the paper and be ok.  Well, I am in a "writing intensive" course at the U and we had our first paper due last week.  Well, I picked the topic that seemed the most interesting, and in my defense, I decided to do that topic because I thought it would be a little challeging to me and I wanted to stretch myself.  Well, I guess I missed the mark completely, I got the paper back with hardly any blank space left with the profs writing marking up the entire thing, writing things like, "where are you getting this info from?  I don't agree at all...." I was shocked, I thought I did a sufficient job and was proud that I had tackled a subject I wouldn't normally go for and glad that I didn't take the easy route.  My grade was horrible and now my only choice is to fix my paper and I really don't know what else I could do to fix it, I might just see if I can completely rewrite it and do it over on a different topic.  I was so sad and disappointed in myself but I guess it will be good for me  to know in the future that I can't rely on just my writing skills to get by. 

So that is just one of the things that I am trying to figure out right now.  But I did successfully throw a bday party for my daughter yesterday, she had a lot of fun and spent this morning singing "happy birday to me" in her little 2 year old voice and obsessively holding her balloons at all times.

I came home tonight to a notice on my apt building door stating that the Coen Brothers will be filming  starting next week at the mansion next to my building!!!!  How exciting!!!  What is not exciting is the fact that they are shutting down the entire street for 2 weeks and we are not allowed to park on the street and some days will not even be able to drive on the street.  But I might be able to watch the filming from my apt steps!!!  Ok, nothing this exciting ever happens to me, so I'm am getting a little excited, as you can probably tell.  One thing I am a little worried about though is the fact that I will probably be moving out on the 1st and this might be a little bit of a problem if they are filming outside my door!  Anyway, I need to get some homework done before I get too tired tonight but I just wanted to post my exciting news of the day. 

I was having a hard day until I watched these videos, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.  Please enjoy!

Watch Kati Perry fall down, it's hilarious:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35dx3H9_b****>

Walk it out! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KU3N5c2Kxnw

The other hard thing in my life right now is the break up.  I don't know how to deal with all of this, especially when we have a child together.  Maybe someone can give me advice on this if you have been through it before?  We are still in this in between stage where most of his things are still in the apt and he is sleeping on a friend's couch, except for last night when he decided to come in at 3 am drunk and asked me if he could sleep on the couch because he was too drunk to drive to his friends.  I was so mad, I couldn't believe him.  First of all, I am freaked out living by myself, we had someone break into our apt once when I was pregnant and I can't even take a shower by myself now without thinking that someone is going to break in.  So when I heard the door open last night, I had a bat in one hand and my phone in the other ready to call 911.  Then I heard his voice and figured out that it was him and just told him to go sleep on the couch and leave me alone. 

So the past week has been crazy, we are planning on me moving out soon and he will move back here, but until then, both of our stuff will still be here and technically since he is taking over the apt, he is free to come and go but it is still weird when he comes over.  This week has been so weird trying to figure out what our relationship is now that we are broken up and plus the fact that it still feels like he lives here since he has been here almost everyday getting clothes or watching Joella.  He came over the other day and I was supposed to have class but then my class was cancelled and so I came home early and I told him he could take Joella to the park or somewhere if he wanted to spend more time with her, but he just told me that he had made plans with a friend.  And it kind of startled me, I thought he would stay to be with her and then I just realized that he could decide that he didn't ever want to see her and it freaked me out.  I don't think he is that kind of person but then again, I never thought he was the type to cheat on me either. 

Then he called me soon after leaving and said how hurt he was and how bad he felt...blah, blah, blah and I basically told him that I have no sympathy for him and he deserves to be hurting, I don't think he is really sorry yet, just sorry that he got caught.  Maybe that is too harsh of me, but I don't think he deserves to be forgiven yet, it's too early and it's kind of driving me crazy that he wants to always talk to me when I see him.  I keep telling him that there is nothing to talk about, we are not getting back together, there is nothing to work out, he cheated on me and lied to me, we are done. 

Anyway, I need to get to bed now.  I just wrote him a text saying that I hope he doesn't plan on spending the night here again and he wrote back, "why? was that a problem?"  Obviously, he still doesn't understand anything.