As a person who never asks for help herself I can say that she will probably need a little time to herself first. I'd give it a few weeks, but then by all means reach out. People like us tend to feel smothered and overwhelmed easily.



Deepest condolences for your friend.

From the perspective of someone who has been pretty much abandoned by friends who don't know how to handle an unimaginable loss - don't stop bugging her. She'll tell you when she needs you - as long as you keep offering.



A person dies 2 deaths, the first is the obvious, the second is when people stop mentioning their name. Keep calling her and keep mentioning his name.



I'm so sorry Darc!

My heart aches for the man and his wife and for you and their other friends. My father took his life in 2000. When people found out what happened, we got similar comments, "He always seemed so happy", "He had a great business that was going very well", "He always had a smile on his face when we saw him", etc... What people didn't know was that he had fought depression ever since my mom passed away from cancer in 1977. The day he killed himself, he too had experienced a fun day....farmers market, a movie, gardening....all the things he loved. He didn't leave a note and we will never know exactly why he chose to do what he did. We do know that his depression had gotten to the point where he had scheduled a doctors appt to get some medication. Suicide is the hardest death to get over because there are so many unanswered questions.



You are a very wise, sweet friend to already be planning on how you can help. When the funeral is done and the family has gone back to "regular" life, that is when the numbness wears off and the deep, heart-shattering pain sets in. It put me in a tail-spin. I needed to go to counseling to work through the details. It helped me reclaim my life. I would say to take it one step farther...instead of just calling and offering help, just go to her home and help. That way, she can't blow you off. When people would call me and I was feeling like sh!t, it was much easier to just say, "I'm fine today or I'm not in the mood for visitors." But deep down, I wanted someone to just come over and sit and hold me and let me cry and talk. Bring her a meal, clean her house, help her organize some pictures of her husband, take her outside to sit in the sun, walk with her, etc... Make sure you talk about her husband by name. Tell her your memories of him. Talk about him and listen, listen, listen. When you go visit, bring boxes of Puffs Plus. It is the best kleenex for crying since it doesn't rip or fall apart. Bring her a big package of toilet paper. It may sound silly but with all the people coming to her home, you go through toilet paper like crazy and kleenex. We certainly were not in the mood to go to Target to get those things, so we were very grateful for people who just brought it over. One of my good friends who does massage, showed up one night with her massage table and gave me a massage. I sobbed the whole time. It was such a blessing for her just to show up and do that for me and it helped release many emotions.



Surround her with love. We want people to understand that we have no closure with a suicide. It takes longer because we can't blame a car accident, we can't blame it on heart disease, cancer or another long illness. We can blame the depression but it still makes it hard to wrap our brains around.



Thank you for being there for her. She is blessed to have you in her life. She needs you!!!!! When you see her, give her a huge extra hug for me. I sadly, understand the pain. I am heartbroken that another family is going through this.

As I thought about what to write to you, everyone else took the words out of mouth. Do everything they suggested. Be there for her now, in a month, in a year. When the initial condolences are gone, that's when it can get lonley. I'm so sorry for your loss.

My brother and his wife have lost 2 young daughters. It means the world to them to have people talk about Meredith and Natalie, tell stories about the girls, keep the memory alive. I think it's terrifying for my brother and sister in law to think that the girls will be forgotten.

God bless!