Since my divorce 3 years ago, my three children (6,9,11) and I have been  living with my 83 year old father.  He was at the point where he could not live alone any longer and my girls and I needed a soft place to land.  It seemed like a win-win situation...at the time. Now that he is becoming more dependent, less mobile, not sleeping well at night, etc, I am feeling the weight of the world.  My children need me, my father needs me, my brothers and sister think I have it all covererd and have left it to me to handle.  I am the youngest of the 4 and now, at 44, when I would rather be a cougar (Margery), I am feeling like I am the 83 year old, exhausted all the time, often resentful of the situation and feeling like I have been cast adrift.  Has anyone else found themselves in this particular sandwich?  

It sounds simple, doesn't it?  Well. My one sister has been understanding, she has been picking dad up on Wednesdays and taking him to her house for dinner.  That's nice, but it doesn't really solve the problem.  My oldest brother (lives only a mile away) and does not answer his phone when we call, does not return our calls and has not seen my dad since his 15 minutes at Christmas.  My other brother lives about 15 miles away, has a full time job, two young kids, and he and his wife also run a horse boarding business and riding stable along with horse shows most weekends during the summer. He also does not call and rarely visits.  He has told me that I have no business doing anything but looking after our father.  "As far as I'm concerned, your job it to take care of (dad) and after he's gone, you can do whatever you want, but for right now, you shouldn't let anything else distract you from your job."  (I had started dating the man I am currently seeing) I'm sure he doesn't mean to ignore my dad, he's busy with his own life. He thinks I have it all covered, but I really just feel cast aside.  I don't feel I can ask him for any help because times I've asked him in the past, he has been just awful to me. Rude, impatient...I'm thinking of the time I asked him to come and install grab bars in dad's shower.  He complained, threw things, and just made  me feel very reluctant to ask him for anything else.  The rift has grown and it just breaks my heart. At this time when I need my family the most, I feel more and more alone.

Summer is approaching and I don't want my kids to suffer because my job is to take care of my father. We would like to be able to go away for the day, enjoy an adventure now and then without having to worry about dad and whether or not he is safe.  I will look into having a caretaker come in. Once a week should be acceptable to him, but he really doesn't like strangers, does not want to go anywhere. He gets agitated easily and can be downright rude.  I was just wondering if there was anyone out there in my situation who could share some ideas.  Thanks.

I've started just asking for help...that's it. I got tired of waiting for it to come to me.  And you know what?  Help comes from the oddest sources.  My Nephews have both come over to sit with my dad and the kids.  I can't get my brothers to do it, but my 20 something nephews did not hesitate.  Yeah!

Oh, and I followed Kevin's advice and called Service Master.  I now have a housekeeper coming once every two weeks, and the house is getting painted! Yippee!