To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

Both houses of Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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1.   The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour,' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').

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2.   Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize.'

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3.   July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

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4.  You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse...

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5.   Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

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6.   All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

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7.   The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

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8.   You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

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9.   The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

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10.   Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

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11.   You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancy boys).

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12.   Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

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13. You must tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us mad.

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14.   An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

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15.   Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen!

I have something to say about Al Franken. A first person account from my one experience with the man.  With less than a week until the election, I don't think anyone is sad to see the madness end.  The negative ads, endless commercials and mean-spiritedness of it all, these things speak volumes about the hypocrisy of the world to our children.  Why do adults get a pass on manners during elections?  Why can they lie, or at the very least bend the truth to the breaking point for their own advantage?  Well kids, you're right - it's a shameful, yet historical fact.  Elections bring out the worst in people.  Before I move on, let's start with:

Double Diamond Cabernet Sauvignon
Rated 94 Pts. Exotic spicy, toasty, cedary oak turns taut, with firm, chewy, loamy earth, currant, anise, sage and mineral flavors that are tightly wound. Finishes with full-bodied tannins that beg for short-term cellaring.

- Or -
During the Crescendo of the Election Season - You May Just Need!

A Jag Bomb

In the midst of it all, I have something utterly positive to say.  I've wondered whether to share this or not, but I'm going to because I'm particularly sick about how nasty the RNC and Norm Coleman have gotten about the character of Al Franken.  When Norm Coleman went on the air to 'mea culpa' his negative campaigning and vowed to end it, the Republican National Committee jumped in strategically with Coleman to increase their negative adds - so much so that every commercial and add I see is a personal attack on Franken's character.  So I'm going to speak up.

First, let me say that although I tend to vote DFL, I do not blindly follow any political party at the detriment of my own judgement.  I've proudly have supported GOP candidates when I feel they can serve all people and the political process well. Jim Ramstad comes to mind.   I am sincerely going to miss him in politics.

Okay - here we go. Second disclosure:  I don't know Al Franken at all.  If he walked past me in a crowd, there would be no glint of recognition in his eyes or nod hello of a casual acquaintence.  I met the man once.  But during that meeting in 1998 I was extremely impressed by what he had to say and how he handled himself.  He was a man passionate about social issues then and he has clearly continued to build on that foundation.

At the Minneapolis 'Taste of the Nation' celebrity fundraiser, Al Franken was asked to attend and mingle with guests.  After a two hour reception, celebrities sat down to a 5 course meal with guests that paid to support the Share our Strength mission of wiping out issues of hunger within our country.  All the money raised that afternoon went to Second Harvest food shelf.  There were approximately 2 dozen celebrities that attended that late afternoon.  While it was a decade ago, I remember people like Joe Mauer, Leslie Nielsen, Tom Smothers (of the Smother's Brothers), Tipi Hedren,  Richard Crenna, Randy Mantooth and Stuart Pankin attending the event.  That's where I had my one and only meeting with Al Franken.

I was a bit in awe of Mr. Franken.  I am a HUGE Saturday Night Live fan and knew he was behind the hysterical Julia Child bit where Dan Akroyd cuts off his hand with a butcher knife.  I also loved his character of  Stuart Smalley and appreciated his satirical skits on the show.  Heck, I recognized him immediately in one of the last scenes of Trading Places.  To me, Al Franken has always been a gifted man who knows how to blend humor and the truth to speak out on current social issues.

Mr. Franken made no effort to take up all the oxygen at the table.  He was quiet at first, almost reserved and shy.  Of course numerous people complimented him on his SNL success and tried to engage him with flattery.  It was obvious to me that he wanted to underplay the attention.  When the discussion at our tabled turned to the good works of Second Harvest Food Shelf, he immediately became engaged in the conversation.  He was concerned about the number of people in our state that lacked proper nutrition, especially the children.  He discussed the root causes and wondered out loud about if our state government was doing enough to provide resources and allow people to become self-sustaining.  This impressed me and I'll never forget his sincerity and obvious passion.  There was a man at the table that subtly challenged Mr. Franken on the basis of his celebrity status, and rather than engage him negatively, Al Franken listened respectfully and asked more questions.  He clearly was weighing all sides of the issues and it was apparent to me that he cared deeply for the people in our state.  That meeting created an extremely positive impression for me of Al Franken and when he threw his hat in the ring for the Senate last year, I knew it was coming from a passion to serve our state.

It's Jill with Al Franken at a fundraiser for MN foodshelves
yes, ItsJill was 80lbs. heavier -  it took this Senate race to publically show an old me!

That was 1998; a decade ago.  It would be years before Al Franken returned to Harvard (no slacker - that's where he got his undergraduate degree in sociology).  In 2003, he served as a Fellow with Harvard's Kennedy School of Government at the Joan Shorestein Center on the Press, Politics and Public Policy.  Clearly this man is well educated and has shown decades of interest in government.  No accomplished political writer or satirist can be successful unless they understand the real political issues and how it affects the everyday person.  He is passionate, much in the same way that Paul Wellstone was passionate.  Can that passion be viewed as a fault?  Well that's the million dollar question and one that the RNC has attacked.  But let me say this - I've met the 'other' candidate twice.  Both times he didn't give me the time of day because I lived on the other side of the river and he was campaigning for Mayor of St. Paul.  Enough said.

I believe Al Franken is the best choice to serve in the Senate.  He is a Minnesotan that has gone on to be educated and accomplished on levels I can only dream of.  His passion for our state, coupled with his understanding of the political process, drives him to become elected despite the ugliness that comes with campaigning.  He and his wife Franni have shed a light on some of their personal struggles, not hiding the human condition in lieu of trying to look like a political super-hero.  One commercial the RNC is using to smear his character sites something he wrote back in 1989 and many things from the 90's (check that fine print - you'll see it for a nano-second).  How utterly out of date!  Al Franken's commercials on Norm Coleman's record site issues that are happening in 2007 and 2008 - current issues, current concerns. Current misappropriations and use of office for personal gain.

I have never been offended by Al Franken's humor - in fact, I appreciate his bold attempts to show the hypocrisy of social issues, spurring us to THINK.  It's biting to be sure, but don't some of the current social, political and economic injustice's deserve to be bit!  As a woman I'm happy he can engage me into the discussion and based on my one experience, he clearly respected and encouraged my opinion.   Al Franken is most certainly an appropriate choice and extremely suitable to serve in the Senate!

In close, if you haven't decided who to vote for, please go back and do your research.  No matter who you choose, choose someone you think will serve our state to the best of their ability for the right reasons - that is, on behalf of all 5,167,101 Minnesotans (according to the last US Census Bureau).  As long as you cast that vote to the best of your ability, that's all that anyone can ask for. 

There are moments in every person's life that literally shape who we are and who we're going to be.   While sometimes wonderful, those moments can often be tragic and heart wrenching.  But they are moments of opportunity. A time to reflection and a chance to steer the direction of your journey.  Those moments become etched in our minds and branded on our hearts.  Nineteen years ago today I had one of those moments. 

The blend on the 2005 Maximus is 64% Cabernet Sauvignon, 25% Merlot and 11% Syrah. The wine opens with aromas of dark cocoa, plum, ripe black cherry and subtle hints of vanilla. On the palate the wine displays flavors of black cherry, plum, blueberry and subtle layers of cinnamon, nutmeg and cedar. With elegant, velvety tannins that enhance the mouthfeel, the wine has a long fruit driven finish and pairs well with practically everything. 
A 90 point Wine Spectator pleasure - give it a try!

WHERE ARE YOU JACOB?

Jacob Wetterling - 11 Years Old in 1989 - STILL MISSING

On October 22, 1989, Jacob Wetterling was abducted. Jacob was only 11 years old.  He was kidnapped by his home in St. Joseph, MN (just west of St. Cloud by a 10 minute drive).  Jacob, his brother Trevor and a friend were bicycling home from a convenience store (out to rent a movie) when a masked gunman came out of a driveway and ordered the boys to throw their bikes into a ditch and lie down on the ground. The gunman asked each boy his age. Jacob's brother and friend were told to run toward a nearby wooded area and not look back or else he would shoot them. After a short run, both boys did look back and saw the gunman grab Jacob and walk away. As of today, the whereabouts of Jacob and the gunman are unknown.

Nineteen years ago today.  A tragic moment in time created an opportunity for our state and its citizens to question how we value children. Jacob's disappearance became a real loss of innocence for Minnesota. Our state, long considered middle-America with a deep sense of family and community. If it could happen in St. Joseph, MN, it could happen anywhere.

Jacob playing one of the sports he loves - hockey

I'm haunted by the loss of Jacob Wetterling. I can't believe that since that time there hasn't been a crack in the case or an answer for his family. People throw around the phrase "life isn't fair" sometimes to explain bad things that happen to good people.  But I cannot imagine the depths of injustice for this child and the ache in the hearts of the Wetterling family every day....for 19 years.

I know the Wetterling family.  Jacob was someone I had known as a small boy during my college years. Having suffered a fall down a fraternity staircase while being carried by an old college boyfriend (not a proud moment to be sure) I wound up at the St. Cloud hospital with a concussion and sprained neck. The doctor suggested I receive physical therapy and the following Monday, I met chiropractor Jerry Wetterling at his home office. Until I graduated the following year, when I came for my appointments, a little boy often greeted me on a big wheel and I watched him (or heard him) playing in the yard or in the house. That boy was Jacob.

Fast forward to October 22, 1989: I was pulling into my driveway after work when I heard the news reports of a missing child.  Why was the name of the little boy so familiar? Then it hit me.  It was Dr. Wetterling's son. The boy who was kidnapped was the sweet little boy I remembered fondly,  with a devilish smile and boundless energy; it was horrifying! 

Like serendipity, I received a phone call at work a day or two later.  I was working in the HR offices of Northwest Airlines and a caller introduced himself as a friend of the Wetterlings. Could NWA help distribute flyers of Jacob to destinations across the country? I walked down the hall to the Director of Security.  I spoke to him personally about the request and I told him I knew this family and they were good people.  I thought they deserved any and all the help we could provide and without hesitation, he agreed.  That's how it all started.

Through phone calls back and forth to the ‘command center' in St. Joe, I coordinated efforts on behalf of the airline and tried my best to be instrumental in assisting their efforts. At some point I met with Patty and Jerry and offered my personal support.   They were so very appreciative.  Through my position at work, I was able to solicit help from other interested employees and within a few months, I had formed a group called "Jacob's Wings".   What I didn't know at first was that Jacob also had family working at NWA. That's when I first met Jacob's aunt and uncle - appreciative, wonderful people. Over the years our organization flew to different cities around the country and handed out information about Jacob and other missing children. Our group's mission was HOPE.  Hope we could help find missing children and to educate the public on the issues surrounding child abduction.

Jacob's 1st Age Enhanced Photo - What he may look like at 19 - STILL MISSING
courtesy of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

NWA's organization grew over the years and we were able to create events that helped families both locally and nationally.  Along with Patty Wetterling (who I'd now gotten to know quite well)  a core group of us were invited to visit the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children in Washington D.C.   We met with Ernie Allen, the Director of the NCMEC and together with an FBI specialist, we were presented with invaluable information and trained on the complex issues of child abduction and vulnerable youth.  We were also granted a private tour of the FBI crime labs and educated on the issue of child abduction from a national perspective.  As time went on, I continued to work with Jacob's Wings and I was appointed to the board of directors for the Jacob Wetterling Foundation (even serving as the board's president for several years).  I'm proud of these accomplishments, yet I know so much work is still needed to keep children safe. 

Remember - when Jacob was abducted there were no home computers, home faxes, cell phone, or Ipods.  The world is a very different place, much of it good.  But we have to continue to strive to stay one step ahead of people out there with the time, resources and opportunities to hurt children.

Jacob's age enhancement - 30 years of age - STILL MISSING
courtesy of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children

Nineteen years ago today. That moment shaped who I became as a person in many ways.  Jacob's story touched my heart in a way I could not anticipate - and his status as still missing is as unacceptable today as it was back then.  I was a young, newly married girl with no children.  I couldn't  fully appreciate the depth of loss I could now understand as a mother today.  Yet through the eyes of Patty & Jerry (people I knew for a brief period in my life) I felt driven to help. Because I got involved, my life has always been richer.

My life has changed a lot since then.  I'm the mother of 3 busy boys with never-ending chaotic schedules.    I've stepped back from the leadership roles I once had because as Patty showed me, family should always come first.  But I've carried the experience with me and I continue to support the work of the Jacob Wetterling Resource Center  (the new foundation name).  My three sons are now 16, 14 and 11.  The youngest being the same age Jacob was when he was abducted.   I look into my children's eyes and I can't imagine them "out there" at the hands of a real monster.  I can't fathom not knowing where they are or what's become of them.  Dead or alive, I would ache to know the truth.

Patty Wetterling - Jacob's Mom
Mother * Child Advocate * National Hero

But what I also can't imagine is the strength, the power and the ability to stay focused that Patty Wetterling still has, in spite of her personal grief.  She is a hero; a hero for our community, our state and our nation. Despite her gut wrenching tragedy, she chose a very public path and continues to be brave on behalf of all missing children and their families.  She has been brave enough to ask the tough questions and shine a light on the issues of missing children.  She's made real changes for the benefit of all families in this country and her legacy as an advocate for missing children will forever be a gold standard by which many will follow, but few will succeed with such passion and clarity. 

Nineteen years ago today.  I still can't believe it.  It's a moment frozen in time for me forever.  I thought today's blog was worth shining the light back on Jacob.  I pray for an answer for Jacob, for the Wetterlings and for everyone touched by a missing child.

Today, the organization founded in Jacob's name is known as "The Jacob Wetterling Resource Center (JWRC). It is an authorized provider of prevention education and incident assistance in collaboration with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC).  As one of the founding task force members that worked to launch the A.M.B.E.R Plan in Minnesota in 2002, JWRC continues to provide advocacy and expertise to the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension through the A.M.B.E.R. Task Force, which continues to operate. JWRC is also a founding member of A.M.E.C.O. (the Association of Missing & Exploited Children) and is a longstanding member of the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits.

For more information, you can contact:

http://www.jwrc.org

Jacob Wetterling Resource Center
2314 University Ave W., Suite 14
Saint Paul, MN 55114

651-714-4673 (office)
651-714-9098 (fax)
1-800-325-HOPE (toll free)

Did you hear?  Another institution is breaking under the economy's free fall.  Not going under per say, but selling out and sacrificing something that has become iconic throughout it's history.  Something Big.  Big thoughts and a big magazine.  It was announced this week, The Rolling Stone is literally about to shrink.  Starting with it's October 30th release, the magazine (in my opinion) will lose more than just size; it will lose it's 'cutting edge' identity.....and I fear some of its content.

Go ahead & play this song while you read down....it will make you smile -
But do Read on Gabsters, Read on!

The Rolling Stone is an institution.  But not just any institution - it's the institution that has successfully and poetically blended music & politics for decades.  Kids all over this nation have saved their paper route and babysitting money, immediately surrendering their bounty for a chance to flip through the oversized pages and make their journey into adulthood.  It's articles have given millions of young minds a reason to care about things outside their own neighborhoods and beyond their borders.  And let's not forget that adults all over the country have kept reading the Rolling Stone as a way to keep both their ideas and their ideals fresh, while staying on top of music trends now considered a new generation's point of view. 

The Rolling Stone has always been downright cool.  It's where you can count on reading articles that cut into our minds and challenge our social and economic mores.  It's where I first read the F word in a legitimate news article.  I can't even remember who said it, but it was framed around the insanity of apartheid in South Africa (possibly Little Steven during his Sun  City days?).  Anways, the word lept off the page and the emotional and intellectual injustice of it all clicked within me.  Even your Lutheran mother would agree it was an appropriate use of the f-bomb. 

But the Rolling Stone magazine isn't just a launching pad for musicians.  Politicians and great thinkers have found their way on to the cover with their profound ideas and their ability to articulate thoughts into action.  On occasion even pure evil has made it on the cover (see above).  This says more about a readership's desire to push past the veil and understand a mind and culture veering dangerously off track.  Those who have died senseless deaths have also made their way to a cover, harkening a collective 'what if' about their drug-induced demises.  But over the years, it's generally been artists that have 'thrown it down' on the pages of the magazine,  either suffering the consequences of their interviews or become a part of this iconic 'above ground' underground magazine.  Musicians, actors, poets and songwriters.  The content of the Rolling Stone magazine has evolved as our American and global societies have blended and evolved.  When you made it to the cover, man - you had it all: Coolness & Something to Say!   

The Rolling Stone has legitimized many along the way and given voice to those deserving.  It is befitting that Barack Obama will grace the first edition of the changed magazine....but I think the suits in the mahoganey board room have under-estimated our appreciation for this change.  Clever as the parallels may appear, Change with Obama is what we crave, yet  shrinking the Rolling Stone means other changes must be on the horizon.  Let's hope the bold size of  the magazine, now reduced, will not equate to content lost.

And let's be frank, the Rolling Stone magazine of the 1970's was more anti-establishment than it is today.  Those that were young, hungry and willing to thumb their nose at the corporate suits are now all wearing the suits and watching their dollars shrink.  They are us and they have become the establishment.  Woefully, with age comes a certain sense of vulnerability that softens the ability to push buttons that should be pushed and challenge ideas.  We need a Rolling Stone magazine to reach out to the upcoming generation and give them a voice, politely relegating the youth of the 70's to now sit back and really listen to their words. 

I gave a copy of the Rolling Stone to my youngest son and told him to read.  A clever way for a parent to encourage literarcy?  Sure.  But I couldn't think of a better way to start a conversation about things that matter to the both of us.  I want to understand his music because within its words are the voices of his generation.  

The Rolling Stone magazine has passed the torch in my house, but I still keep the flame for its content burning within me.  A music lover's beat bible; now I truly believe it's the end of the world when they mess with "The Rolling Stone" magazine.  Time will only tell.

Oct. 15 (Bloomberg) -- Vice President **** Cheney experienced ``abnormal'' heart rhythm and plans to undergo a procedure later today at a Washington hospital to restore regular heartbeat, an aide said.

``During a visit with his doctors this morning, it was discovered that the vice president is experiencing a recurrence of atrial fibrillation, an abnormal rhythm involving the upper chambers of the heart,'' press secretary Megan Mitchell said in a statement.

Cheney planned to visit George Washington University Hospital for an ``outpatient procedure to restore his normal rhythm,'' Mitchell said.  Cheney, 67, has had four heart attacks, all of them before he became vice president in 2001. He showed no cardiac irregularities in his annual physical checkup July 12.

Cheney canceled a campaign event in Illinois that was scheduled for today.

BUT HERE'S THE REAL NEWS.....

After two terms, personal millions from Halliburtan and secretly encouraging the torture of  
thousands,  experts across the globe were convinced he didn't have one!

 
The many faces of VP Cheney

....and I thought he had disappeared to Dubai