Priorities…My goal for today was to clean the house before my mother in law comes to visit tomorrow. Not a lot to do, just dust, sweep, wash and vacuum the floors. Okay, so that is a lot of work… So I spend the first three hours of my day, rearranging the pantry, followed by another hour completing cleaning the fridge. I then decided to condition the leather couches. This was followed by reorganizing the closet and drawers in the bathroom. Then I decided that I needed houseplants (they rarely stay alive, but I should be able to manage 5 days…so this dictated a trip to home depot to check out the indoor houseplants. I would have tried a classy place like Bachmans, but had wasted too much time reorganizing the hidden spaces of my house and now they were closed. Came home with two lovely orchids…

It’s ridiculous, because now I will spend the next 4 hours (likely until midnight) completing the simple-quick clean that I’d planned. I don’t have a monster of a mother in law. It’s doubtful that she would have gasped at the larger cans of beans stacked upon small cans of corn in the cupboard. I don’t think that she would have cried out in fright at the site of yogurt 4 DAYS PAST EXPIRATION in my fridge. Apparently, according to the husband, She might react with fear to the cobwebs clinging to the skylights upstairs-(thanks to quick thinking, impulse shopping and a cobweb attachment for a telescoping pole this is no longer a concern.) Next time, I think I will just need to hire a maid…

I think that the dentist is the great equalizer. Everybody has to go to the dentist. Famous people, politicians, the president-they have to go into the dentist, lay back in a chair with a blinding light in their eye, and try to answer mundane questions about their lives while someone’s hands are inside their mouth.

Earlier this week, I had the great fortune to go to the dentist to have a crown and several fillings replaced. (my teeth are very PRETTY right now.) To prepare for the crown, I spent several week trying to bleach coffee stains out of them-which by the way, irritates your gums so that you bleed more during the dental procedure. (this can be a warning-or an evil revenge strategy for passive-aggressive dentist haters.) I realized that the whitening may have been a mistake when I developed a strange mouth rash (lovely…)

Now, I like my dentist, and think that he does a wonderful job, but for some reason , at this visit I was struck by the absurdity of it all. To begin with, I sat with three gigantic cotton swabs of topical pain reliever sticking out of my mouth for several minutes as I politely made small talk with the hygienist. (not complaining about the pain relievers by the way…) This was followed by several painful shots of Novocain into the upper gum tissue-what a great excuse for a vacation from work!

I’m a self admitted dork, so it was no surprise to me, that the dentist walked into find my stroking my upper gums with my index finger. (it was only numb in the front of the teeth-so I couldn’t feel where my finger was touching, but could feel it on the inside gums FREAKY!!) This was followed by what appeared to be a major demolition project on my teeth. There was grinding of metal against the teeth bones (no pain) and squirts of a misplaced water shooter thingy hitting my legs during the tooth annihilation. And to make it better, every time I had to turn my head to allow better access to the decay, I could feel my drool sliding down my arm. (this is where I started to picture different celebrities in the position as was I.)

My crowning moment of glory came towards the end of the visit, when I was asked to swish the water around in my mouth for a bit and then spit. But because of the highly numbed upper lip, I had no control…. A mini geyser began to burst forth from my lips. Which made me start laughing-so that even more of the water began burbling out…And the hygienist frantically looking for the suction tube made me laugh even harder…

So I am going to spend the next week thinking of famous people going to the dentist and laughing quietly-and without water spouting from my lips-to myself.