Have you ever thought about breaking up with a friend?  I've had friendships which have served a purpose at a specific time in my life-and when that time was over-we simply lost contact.  I've had one particularly toxic friendship with an alcoholic which ended similarly-but am haunted by because I never got closure with that relationship.  I still dream about my friend even though I am confident that I made the correct decision-albeit handled it incorrectly.

I had my first child last September-and I expected some of my friendships-especially with my single friends to change.  I've made it a point to try to limit my baby conversations with these friends instead focusing on jobs, tv, etc.  I say limit but I'm sure I still bore them to tears with baby poo stories...

And although we can prepare ourselves for the friendships that change-we can't predict which ones will change for the better or worse.  Which is where I find myself today-upset and saddened by one of my oldest and best friend's (we were maid of honors at each other's weddings) reaction to my new baby.  

By reaction I mean no reaction.  No phone call right after the fact, no email, no card in the mail.  Nothing, nada.  I know that not everyone is into babies-but really?  No phone call for your former maid of honor?!?  I finally sent an email (lame, I know but I lost her phone number when I changed phones) and got a lovely apology back in December.  And a invitation to lunch which I accepted and then was stood up for.  

After writing this down, I feel a little bit like a poster child for "She's just not that into you."  But I need to let you know a little back story-this is a friend who has had several miscarriages before recently ending her marriage.  I know she is in a different spot in her life than I am-and I wonder if it's painful/hard for her to see me and my little one?

But it bother's me almost daily that there has been no attempt to see me-or talk to me beyond sending me fuzzy teddy bears on Facebook.  I've met many new friends through this website-but we're still new friends-and I miss the ability to sit with one of my oldest friends and discuss things.  Is it unreasonable to expect a friend-a good friend not so long ago to make an effort when a new baby is born (or before the baby is 8 months old?) or am I being a crazed parent?  

Yesterday, I shared a hot tub with a woman who was sitting on her partner's lap.  Now if I was in Cancun or Jamaica, I probably wouldn't even bat an eye at this.  Hot tubs are romantic, I get it.  But I also think there is a proper place/time for hot tub shenanigans.  And really, I don't know that Lifetime fitness over the lunch hour-or any hour for that matter is the answer.

This isn't the first time I've seen an amorous couple in the waters of the gym. I've seen couples nuzzling/kissing in the hot tub and even a few making out in the zero entry kiddie pool while I was trying to do pool therapy with an autistic child.  I've heard stories from other staff about what goes on late into the night in the hot tub-I think you can guess what I mean.  

Something about the water just makes people more romantic.  I've never seen any couples making out in front of the weight machines-or sharing a stepper.  I doubt that the kissing offender would consider sitting on her lover's lap while he was on the stationary bike.  

So when I saw the couple cuddling in the hot tub next to me-and who really knows what was going on under all those bubbles I wasn't sure how to react. The preferred option from the geriatric set was to avert eye contact.   I tried to stink eye for a bit-but they were too busy gazing into each other's eyes to notice.  I thought about getting a little too close-or staring in a lewd type of way-but figured they wouldn't notice that either.  I wished there was some type of no make-out lifeguard enforcer around.  

I thought about more passive aggressive ways to get back at the PDA couple. For instance, I could pee in the pool.  It's not really fair to the other pool goers-but if it were just me and the couple....What about you?  What would you do in this situation?

In the busy world of new motherhood, I found Facebook's one line status updates irresistible.  After all, who doesn't have time to write a quick line in between changing diapers, working and reading to the little one.  Still there are days that I long for the comfortable expanse of a paragraph.  There are many times when I can't express myself thoroughly with 140 characters.  So I've come back to chat with whoever is left.

A lot has happened in the last month. 

I've been involved in a not-so-secret love affair.  Baby Chedda continues to amaze me with his ability to capture your attention with a single smile and how easily and quickly he is changing and developing new skills.  

Baby Ched has the enviable talent of always knowing when I will be putting any bite of food into my mouth.  Just as I'm sitting down for dinner that he becomes upset and needs to eat.  I could feed him one minute before sitting down and still he would know that I was trying to put a bite of food into my mouth and begin to fuss.  

Finally, in a desperate attempt for sustenance, (if you've seen my derriere lately, you should be laughing at the preceding statement.)  I decided to use the ultimate weapon.  

I positioned baby in front of his favorite thing-the television.  Then I dished up a plate and sat down.  I'm aware of the no t.v. before 2 and even support the general idea of it.  However, I'm also a big supporter of eating your food while it's hot and using utensils while doing it.  So when my baby's brain is fried at the age of 3, and my butt is wider than the Grand Canyon-at least I can reflect back on this clash of values and realize that I've onvce again placed food at the top of the list.

With the opening credits of Quantum of Solace flashing on the screen I put the first bite of oozy, gooey cheesy chipotle enchilada in my mouth.  Mmmmmm.  Then I opened my eyes and saw Chedda had figured out how to look behind him.  He flashed me a grin bigger than Tom Cruise's  before beginning to fuss.  

Of course this just endeared him to me more-in spite of the fact that I had to enjoy my enchilada's while balancing a grabby six month old on one knee. Even I realize that I will likely NEVER be more important than the television again.

I think I might have to file a class action lawsuit against HGTV. After watching so many do it yourself shows you are almost brainwashed into thinking that you have some type of skill level when anyone can see that you are lucky to just be able to put one foot in front of the other without falling. It's irresponsible programming at best. Last week, I noticed that the upstairs toilet had begun to run. Feeling brave I lifted off the top to the toilet tank only to be confronted with a rusty, moldy, cracked tank that probably would've even been rejected at the foulest of gas station bathrooms. Ugh. I'm fairly certain that this is the original toilet-so it's over 50 years old-just think about the crap that toilet has seen. While I realized that we could probably pay someone to fix the toilet, I figured we'd just get a new one considering the disgusting innards of our current toilet. I checked Lowes.com and found a Kohler toilet on sale for 264.00. I don't know that I've heard much about Kohler toilets-but I've heard good things about their faucets-so I was interested. Plus a name brand sounds better than the poop-in-ator or some such thing. I decided to see if it was in stock. SWEET-now the toilet has gone down to 199.00. I remember a 10% off coupon lurking around and end up with a toilet for under 200 with tax. I hadn't asked for a commode for my birthday but was feeling pretty smug seeing as how I'm an awesome toilet shopper. We get the toilet home and I put a few calls out to see if anyone's interested in installing a toilet. (I'm even willing to pay in cash vs. brewski's-but no one is calling me back.-maybe I should've paid in beers.) Meanwhile, hiking downstairs to use the john at 3 AM is losing it's appeal. While waiting for my toilet installer to call, I begin to get innundated with friends declaring the relative ease of replacing a toilet. We start to wonder if maybe-we could just do it ourselves-and save a few more bucks. (I bet you can see where this is heading-must build time machine to warn self and head off toilet disaster.) Friday comes and Jim decides that he will be able to install the toilet. The easiest part is at the beginning-draining the water from the toilet. I even think to use the wet vac and we're feeling like pros. Jim expresses some concern when opening the box-and seeing all the extra parts but I am comfortable since I see directions and perversely enjoy putting ready made furniture together. Almost immediately we are cofronted with our first obstacle. We can't loosen the nut connecting the toilet supply line to the tank. I check Youtube and decide we don't have the correct tools. I run over to the local hardware store where I use my newfound toilet vocabulary with ease-throwing out terms like toilet supply line and channel lock pliers with reckless abandon. I imagine that everyone is awed at my plumbing skills. I come home and have to leave for work. I figure we will finish when I get home. I probably should've left for home when I spoke with Jim at lunch. Our conversation went as follows: Me-Hi, how's it going Jim-Hi, hi, hi, hi....the toilet's leaking-the baby's screaming but I've got to keep going, help *click* I pretended like this was a normal conversation and continued on with my day. I left a few messages throughout the day-but never got Jim on the phone again. (While I was at work, Jim was dealing with non standard parts on our toilet and at one point in time the toilet supply line broke and he was squirted in the face with streams of water. Think cartoon style, the reenactment is pretty good but I'd pay money to see the actual event I didn't hear back until that night. We were so close-Jim had everything set up-and just needed to remove the water valve majiggy-cause it didn't fit the new supply lines-and that's when the copper piping twisted and broke shooting water throughout the walls. Cost of the toilet? 188.00 Cost of the plumber to fix the broken pipe in the wall on a Friday night? 560.00

Whoever said that breastfeeding would melt the pounds off of you is full of crap.  Baby Cheddar and I are five months post delivery and I've lost a whopping .5 pounds-only 50 more pounds to go.  (Since I didn't weigh myself at the hospital-I sometimes like to pretend that I really weighed 230 pounds at delivery which at least gives me a respectful 25 pound weight loss.)

My initial plan was to go to the gym frequently post baby.  After all, I was off from work-what else was I going to be doing with my time?  Hahahahahahahaha.  To be so naive again.  The first few weeks at least were consumed by being a human vending/changing station.  Now that things have calmed down a bit-I've started venturing off to the gym.  I'm focusing on stress management-I seem to handle things better when I have a regular exercise program and have set a simple goal to get to the gym 4x/week.  (this usually gets me there 3x for at least thirty minutes.)   

I also set a goal for a mini-indoor triathalon-10 minutes in the pool, 30 minute bike and 20 minute run.  I was making good headway (if you call 1 minute runs for a total of six minutes progress) until I hit a couple of roadblocks.  First I lost my IPOD!!!!!!!  Without audio books I'm unable to force myself to run-and it's pretty difficult to read and run at the same time. Also my right foot is all messed up-with heel pain and some middle toe pain. Still, I plan to steal the husband's Ipod and continue training in the next few weeks.

Kids and my husband continue to have difficulty with my weight gain.  All of the kids I work with think I have a brother-or am pregnant again.  Jim has apparently forgotten that I gave birth or was ever slimmer.  (He does this innocently-he's always been a foot in the mouth kind of guy but still...)  His latest?  We were looking at an old photo from the Halloween before I got pregnant.  

I was Dora-Whora.  Jim was amazed looking at the photo-"OMG, when was this taken, like five years ago?"  He was shocked and disbelieving that I looked like that right before I got pregnant.  I put this in as my burning bed defense-you will all be my witnesses.

Anyhow, it's difficult for me-especially since I'd lost  a lot of weight before-I'm afraid that I won't be able to lose the pregnancy pounds-and am too busy to commit to the amount of time at the gym that I would need to seriously attack the pounds.  So I decided that it was time for me and dessert to part ways.

Dear Fat,

cc: desserts/chips/salami

Although it's been a pleasure to have your company over the last year and a half, I'm sorry to say that I will no longer be able to hang out with you.  Valentine's day will have to be our last meeting for awhile.  I'm sure that we will meet up again-at birthdays and parties-and I hope it won't be awkward.  I wish you all the best,

K