Ok... not my finest moment... but it's true. But the night didn't really start out that bad! So Thursday night I was all settled down cozy and comfy cuddling by myself under a blanket watching "Beach Party" (yes, the 1960's one starring Annette and Frankie!) when I get one of those calls. No, not a booty call, but one of those calls you get when you are all ready for bed but your friend INSISTS that you get dressed and go out on a night on the town. I usually would have said no (considering I worked at 6 am the next day) but it was my friend Lucie who is visiting here from the United Kingdom only until October 4th. So therefore, I felt obligated to go out.

So, I get all dolled out in my brand new expensive shirt and free amazing jeans (see one of my previous blogs about that story) and was all set to go. So Lucie comes over and I take a few "starter shots" before we go (Drinks are expensive at the club!). Now, let me get something straight. I am NOT a big partier. I only drink heavily once in a blue moon, so don't think I'm some crazy drunk! :) And because I was all ready for bed, I needed a couple shots to wake me up and get me in the clubbing mood.

So, the three of us pile in the car (Afton, Lucie, and I...Afton drove of course, she was the designated driver...DRIVING DUNK IS A NO NO!) and I was already in the beginning stages of drunkedness at this point (I had no dinner and am 132 pounds, so it doesn't take much). So we get to the Gay 90's (Lucie has never been there and I told her that Thursadays are REALLY slow and that 2 of the dance floors are closed but she still really wanted to go) and we dance in the only open dance floor, the hip-hop room. I know I am not a good dancer, even though my friends claim I am good, I just kind of move and do whatever. But I especially am not familiar with dancing hip-hop! So, I start getting in a groovin' mood and this really funny 55 year old african american woman with big poofy hair (who introduced herself as Ruthie) started grinding on me and it was hilarious. She was amazingly funny and friendly and was a great dancer! She told me "boy, you know how to drop it like its hot!" which made Lucie laugh hysterically. Her accent got everyone's attention and she was basically mobbed with everyone wondering "who is this British person?"

We watched the talent show a bit and danced some more, and I had to yell at a dirty old 70 year old man with wandering eyes in the bathroom (jeez, just let me pee in peace!) and then we decided to go. This was a malibu pineapple later, and I was well...drunk as heck. Like I said, I'm rarely drunk, so hey, whatever right? Lucie said I was hilarious, belting out Patsy Cline, Tammy Wynette, Judy Garland, and Lena Horne songs.

Just a warning, after this paragraph is when the "vomiting" part happens...so if you have a weak stomach, pass the next part!

This is when things start getting gross. So, we hop in the car, and Afton is confused at how to get home with the bridge out. And I am far to drunk to even comprehend how to tell her to get home, so shes driving all over the place hunting for a detour, and the twists and turns were not making me feel so well. Lucie said "are you ok babe?" and I replied "Oh yeah! Don't worry, I feel swell!" Less than a minute later I was frantically dumping out the contents of my "man purse" messanger bag and vomiting in it heave after heave. Gross right? But it happens to the best of us...luckily it wasn't chunky or anything, just liquid (sorry...Im a too much info kinda guy). Well, it gets worse. The vomit leaked through the purse and onto my lap which leaked through my lovely new jeans and underwear on to my legs. The alcohol was burning my skin and I was also freezing because Lucie has the windows open. So I am shivering and whining because of the burning feeling on my legs. So Lucie says, "Babe, just take off your pants." So I peel off my soaked pants and sit there shivering but this time burn-free. Then, Afton turns into a Perkins and says "Im hungry". I explain that Im drunk, pants-less, purse-less, and covered in alchy-vomit. They laugh and drive me to my apartment. This part I don't really remember but was told the next day that I walked out of the car WITHOUT my pants (and my underwear apparantly was stuck to my pants so I was literally bottomless). Like I said, this part I don't really remember, thank GOODNESS nobody saw me...I wasn't trying to be a naked pervert, I was just cold and drunk and wanted to sleep! So Afton assisted me to my bed, set my alarm, and 3 hours later I woke up (sober but sick) and on my way to work. Luckily my pounding headache only lasted 2 hours or so!

So now, I need to go out today and buy a new man purse. Lovely, huh? Ok, so I know that was a really twisted and gross story (PLEASE don't think less of me, I swear Im a normal guy!) but I couldn't help but to tell the story because frankly, looking back on it makes me laugh. And Afton and Lucie will NEVER let me forget it, I'm sure.

So...anyone know of any places selling cheap messanger bags? Ha!