I had my daughter when I was 17. Her Bio dad didn't really want much to do with her we tried to make it work when she was two but it just didn't work out. His mom and dad saw her quite a few times.
When she was 3, I met the man of my dreams, the love of my life, my hubby. He wanted to adopt her if the bio agreed. (It only took him 10 minutes to agree)By that time he had been married a year and I guess was happy not to have to pay child support he wasn't seeing her at all or had any contact, his choice.
Mike and I got married, he adopted Steph. And this April (she is 27) she tells us she is in contact with the bio just to find out about herself. (I never kept his name a secret) She doesn't want a relationship just information and to meet her sisters(19 and 21) He came up here from Wisc (Where we used to live) in April to meet her and her husband. They have two kids (6 and 4 and baby due in Dec.) Then they went to Wisc. in July to Meet the Grandparents and the Bio's Fiance (Divorced from first wife) this time they took the kids and they call Stephs Bio, Grandpa. WHAT HAPPENED TO JUST GETTING INFORMATION!!!!!!!
So now She has left her husband (He had an affair, he's not that great anyways)and moved to Wisconsin. She says it's to get away fron Robert her husband. She said that her and I hadn't been close and now she doesn't speak to (her dadMy Husband) and hasn't for two months. We are so Hurt! Who is this Person!!! But Her new family will be financially supporting her and so will mine. My family isn't talking to me they think it's wrong that we don't support this relationship. But there have been so many lies, I could write a book. (Too long for this Blog). She will be living with my mom who is 80 and really has no money. My family believes she is moving there to get away from Robert not to be closer to the other family. She hadn't contacted my mom (her Grandma) in the 10 years she's been an adult and then in April she starts to call my mom. My heart is breaking, my grandkids are my life.They are my heart and soul, I feel like a piece of me has died. I don't work, I spent a lot of my time with them. I do other things too, but this was my dream to be able to spend time with my grandkids. Any words of wisdom? But no preaching, right now God has left the building for whatever reason. I used to feel a presence and a peace but it's gone. So if you're going to tell me he's here PLEASE don't. Just keep it to yourself. Thanks, Mona
I'll try not to preach or offer advice; i have dealt with one of my kids trying to have a relationship with his "dad" and it broke my heart to see him make attempts when i knew his heart would break in the end.
deePersonality tells in the end. the same reasons you didn't stay with him will most likely drive your daughter away eventually too. i told my son i understand why you want to know your father but it is hard for me to watch because i am afraid you will get hurt. But i also wanted him to know i would be here for him and he could come back anytime he wanted to. And he did, its been at about 5 years now since he as spoken to his father.
People who have problems with relationships have problems with all relationships.
Here is the forbidden advise: Be patient. she will be back. Be supportive (or as supportive as you can be), if for no other reason than for the grandkids. they are precious and they need you.
All those years you have had with her will stay with her, they can not be erased. Your voice is in her head, just as your mothers voice was in yours. remember yelling at your kids and turning around and wondering where your mothers voice came from? Everything we say and every hug we gave is in their consiousness. they may step away for awhile but they will come back. some days i felt as if my tongue was bleeding i bit it so hard (and sometimes still do). but when my kids invite me to their house for the weekend and to the birth of my grandson I know that that i am the one they come to when they need someone to count on. Good luck with everything.
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