To be 3 ½ again.  When your biggest concern in life is that your Mom (me) didn't let you squeegee the shower, even though when asked you said you didn't want to do it.  Yes, that little incident caused a melt down - a huge melt down.  My Number One Son lost it, as only an overly tired 3 ½ year old can.  He sat in the shower crying that he wanted his water.  Luckily I was able to get my screaming child into his room and get his PJs on - while he was still crying mind you.  The only thing that calmed him down tonight was the Frosty the Snowman book which we sang three times before it was time for bed.  Thanks Frosty, you saved me tonight.

Seeing that I shared my low moment with Number One Son (so named as he is the eldest of my two sons.  Number Two is a year old)  I think I should be fair and share one of my highlights with him today as well.  We were listening to my iPod on the way home from daycare on Friday and today and he wanted to hear Fergie sing the "Don't Cry" song.  By the end of the trip today, he was belting out the chorus with gusto.  I don't know if he got any of the words right (other than "Big Girls Don't Cry", but he got the tune.  It cracked me up.  So cute.

And at the end of the day, the huge hug and kiss you get before he goes to sleep wipes out all of the low points of the day.  That moment is priceless.

I lost my Papa six years ago to cancer.  He was tough as nails and fought the evil beast with all he had, but in the end the cancer won.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss him.  He was one of the few people in the world who I felt truly got me, most likely because I am so much like him.  He taught me everything from how to have a strong work ethic to how to take a bullhead off a fishing hook.  He was a volunteer firefighter and EMT for over twenty years.  Although this took him away from our family at the most unfortunate times (most notably in the middle of opening presents on Christmas morning - it is so hard to wait as a kid!) I was always so proud of him.  It was ok that he had to leave us; he was out there trying to save someone's life.  I realized how many people's lives my Papa touched when we found out he had cancer.  The support he received from everyone he knew was overwhelming and meant so much to us all.  What I wouldn't give to have one more day with him, to talk to him, for him to be able to meet my two sons and my niece - his grandchildren.  I know he would have loved being a grandpa.  I watch my boys with my father-in-law, and although I feel so blessed that he is so close to them, I wish my Papa was here to enjoy them as well.  I sometimes feel cheated that I had to lose him when I was only 29 and he was 51, but I try not to focus on the negative and remember all of the good times we had together.  I am lucky to have had such a good relationship with such a wonderful dad.  So Happy Father's Day Papa!  I know you are shining in the stars watching over our family, and I love you so much.

Life is finally feeling like it is slowing down, and I am getting out of my funk.  I have been depressed for the last few weeks.  My husband has been working late or out of town for the last few weeks, so the kids and I haven't seen him and I have been acting like a single mom (Just a note to all you single moms and dads out there - you are amazing!  It is a lot of work for one person!).  In addition to all of my single mom duties, work has been overwhelming.  Luckily for me, someone in another department was looking for a development opportunity so I snatched her up, and am having her help me.  I'm not sure who is more grateful, her for the opportunity, or me for her wanting it.  In addition to the relief at work, I am coming off of a really nice weekend with my family.  I was able to have a conversation with my husband, something that doesn't seem like it has happened for awhile and I was able to spend some quality alone time with each of my sons (#1 Son is 3 and #2 Son is 9 months). Although tonight I felt compelled to turn on the computer to do a bit of work, I am in a good place.  I have a sense of calm and after the last few weeks of ending the night tired and frustrated it is a nice change.  So I am celebrating the small things.  Yeah Me!  Hopefully I can keep myself in this state of mind.

I'm trying to get in shape, so Thursday night in tribute to Ned Flanders, I took a Fog Walk / Run.  I was enjoying the crisp foggy night air, and trying to get my running time up to more than street light to street light when I came across a house with blue outside lights.  I immediately thought "Oh my goodness, there are swingers in Waverly!"  I had heard on I think Stephanie and Meredith earlier that week that swingers indicate themselves by having blue lights on the outside of their houses.  Now these weren't just Christmas lights that someone hadn't taken down, this house had purposefully took out their white light bulbs and replaced them with blue.  This realization led me to shake my head and giggle to myself.  I thought, "Hmmm, I wonder who they are swinging with, Waverly has a mere 700 people in it!"  I ran another block, and then saw another house with blue lights.  That made me giggle out loud.  Was this just a new fad in town or had I stumbled on their swinging partners?  I want to thank those two families for making my walk / run so much more fun!

I am at my kitchen table working from home on this peaceful rainy day; sipping vanilla hazelnut coffee and typing while Little House on the Prairie plays in the background.  I don't know if it is the warmth of the coffee, the stillness outside, Mrs. Olsen trying to camp, or the combination of it all, but it puts a smile on my face