My relatives have asked me to post this again, so new comers may have a chance to read it.  Thank you everyone for your support.

SHE ALWAYS WORE LIPSTICK

 How are you supposed to decide how your Mother will live the last few years, months, or days of her life?  My Mother just turned 70 this past summer and she has had Alzheimer's for about 5 years.  She is in the last stage and has been for about 6 months.  She has not been able to speak other than an occasional "yes" or "no" for about 2 ½ years.  Yes she has good days when she opens her eyes for a while, but for the most part she sleeps for the better part of a 24 hour day.

My Mother was a very classy lady.  High heels, fancy dresses, pearls, rubies or diamonds dangling form her neck, ears and fingers. Her clothes were always crisp and stylish.  When she spoke people listened, and she was very well liked by many people.  She walked with her back straight and head held high.  She had a very distinctive walk.  My father says when she would be walking down the halls of Ridgedale he would not have to look up to know it was her coming, he knew by the sounds of her heels hitting the floor.  Don't get me wrong she was not a snobby lady; she was just a classy lady.

She loved to play golf and was quite good at it.  Even on the hot days with the sun beating down she walked that 18 hole course (no cart for her) and did not break a sweat. She loved to dance and eat at fancy restaurants.  Her hair was always cut in a classy style and she never went anywhere without her lipstick.

She always hosted the Holiday dinners for her 4 siblings, their spouses, my sister and her children and me and my daughters. The table was always set the night before with beautiful fancy china, expensive wine goblets and shiny silverware. There was always a beautiful fresh cut center piece that reflected the specific holiday.   Minus the wine goblets the kids table was just as fancy with more of a child friendly centerpiece and unbreakable dishes. 

 The side dishes were prepared the evening before and waiting in the refrigerator ready  for the oven when she awoke at 6:00 am to put in the Turkey or the Royal Crown Roast.  There were always 2-3 choices for desert that of course she prepared.  Each year she would try a new desert that she clipped from the local newspaper or a Better Homes and Garden magazine along with the classic pumpkin pie and she always had my favorite blueberry pie.

 The house was pristine not a speck of dust to be found, the floors freshly vacuumed and the wonderful smells escaping from the kitchen filled the air.  She always had a holiday wreath on the door and various decorations through out the house.  A special holiday towel was set out in the bathroom for the guests to use.

 She started a property management company years ago and managed apartment buildings, Section 8 housing and retirement high rises in various cities across Minnesota.

She worked very hard until she realized she was forgetting things and repeating herself enough that people had to tell her she already said that two or three times.  She began to be afraid to drive and eventually she gave up trying to drive all together. She was afraid to be left alone.

 Last week my Mother was put in the hospital to have surgery on a bed sore that just got to be too bad to fix at the doctors office.  This is due to the fact that she no longer takes more than a couple of steps from one room to the next with her husband assisting as she walks.  She does not walk on her own any more. 

It was only last spring that I went for a ¾ mile walk with her around the pond and I couldn't keep up with her. 

 For the most part she sleeps most of the day and barely eats enough to keep a bird alive.  She has a hard time swallowing some times and forgets to swallow at other times. You have to wipe her mouth for her, give her a bath and wash and comb her hair.  Her classy clothes are too big for her now since she has lost so much weight.  She cannot feed herself and can barely hold a glass to drink from. She cannot swallow her pills so we crush them up and hide them in ice cream to mask the awful flavor.  She has not had makeup on since her birthday last summer.  Now she does not go anywhere other than an occasional visit to the doctor.  Her whole adult life she never left home without her lipstick, but now I never see her with it.

 Today my Mother is resting in a hospital bed waiting to find out what is best for her when she leaves.  Do we put her in a hospice care center, a nursing home or try to take care of her at home again.  I am afraid that choice is her husbands to make and of course he wants her at home. 

 I believe it would be better for her to be in a hospice where the experts that are trained to care for Alzheimer's patients can make sure she is fed the proper nutrients and move her every couple of hours.  They can manage any pain she may begin to experience and it's a clean and healthy environment.  We never want to say goodbye to a loved one, but to take on the care yourself can make things worse than letting go and allowing others to help. We don't know if she really knows where she is.  Does she remember the house?  Does she remember eating yesterday?  Does she remember me?