I totally suck at this "taking care of oneself" shtick. It's been extremely frustrating to feel always in some sort of middle-ground of sick/healthy... muck... it sucks! I'm getting overwhelmed and a little stuck in the oblivion of listening to my body. It's been a rough road and I'm desperate to feel like myself again. Alas, whenever I workout, I get extremely exhausted and/or sick the following day. I hate feeling like I cannot be myself. Why the hell am I so fragile??? I used to be so strong.
In some ways, I've been doing well. I am working on my next art-show and have most of it done. I should be able to put them up within weeks if I can get the framing coordinated. So, I've been attempting to do something for myself.
In addition, I've been wavering from the healthy-eating days to the not-so-much... but I feel back on track and hopefully with all the salads I've been having, my vitamin intake has gone up.
I'm not used to allowing myself to be lazy. I always have tasks to complete and projects to do. Maybe it's not exactly "lazy", but I feel like I am when I cannot do alot of physical stuff.
So... that's where I've been at. I suppose I have to be a little easy on myself because I had surgery on Thurs, but I'm just anxious to delve into summer. I feel like I cannot do so while I'm waffling in the middle of sickness and health.
Does anyone else know how to take care of yourself and feel good about it?
Yesterday afternoon, Bella curled up next to me by the fire and started thinking out loud.
"Vincent is going to forget me"
"Why would he do that?"
"Well, cuz he is going to forget that he is supposed to marry me. It's so long until then, do you know what I mean?"
"Bella, you don't have to marry Vincent."
*she paused for a moment and thought about this*
I continued.... "Bella, when the time comes to marry someone you could pick someone other than Vincent too."
"Well, I don't really like Vincent anymore, anyway."
"Why?"
"He sucks his fingers in class."
***** I'm just happy that Bella figured it out herself because this kindergarten romance was quite a roller coaster for her. She certainly thought about the implications of marriage over the last year. Of course, for her it looked much more exciting as she'd be able to make her own decisions and "pick" her house. Alas, the sucking fingers thing did him in.
Unfortunately, Bella somehow has Andre and Tyler interested in her as well... so the drama may not be over, but at least she's got a little different perspective.
Today, we went to a local park and while my husband fished for awhile, Jack and Sophia laid down on me and fell asleep. We lay in the grass enveloped by the warmth of the sun and in this calm, the kids fell fast asleep. It was absolutely delightful to spend the morning together in the quiet and the sun. When Sophia woke up, she said: "I dreamed of lollypops."
There is something completely soothing about laying in the sun and falling asleep.
Of course, we continued our day with raking, cleaning, and working in the evening... so it was not all sunshine naps. However, sometimes taking a moment to simply enjoy the kids can be so rejuvenating.
What do you do to enjoy the sun and take an extra moment for yourself and/or for your family?
I live in a neighborhood that doesn't quite know what segment of the population that it caters to. There is a couple of young-families without children, many who have their children out of the house and/or couples who never chose to have any, and many grandparent types. There is only two families (including ours) that have a number of children in the elementary range and several that have teens. So, with the neighborhood that boasts of an eclectic smattering of age-ranges and lifestyles, we are blessed with a peek into challenges that may arise for us in the future.
My next door neighbors on one side are the grandparent-snowbird types who are in Arizona for most of the year and boast the perfectly manicured lawn when they are home with a beautiful pond on their property. Yes, they are the ones who give me lawn shame as they have the perfect equipment and all the time in the world to mow their lawn every day and manage a beautiful landscape.
On the other side of us is an odd couple. Lee is a 90 year old woman who was one of the originals in the neighborhood. She remembers when all the houses were built and speaks often of her husband who died 20 years earlier. Her daughter "Margie" lives with her and may be in her 60s or so. Lee used to do all her own yard work until about a year ago as her hips started to bother her and I believe she began suffering from some sort of dementia. Margie used to walk their dog in a pink stroller every day. This odd couple is very private and with age Lee has become very suspicious.
The other day, Lee fell at the end of the driveway at about 7am. She was crawling back to her house with just her arms and my mother-in-law, who lives up the hill and across the way from us, saw her and immediately ran down to help. She grabbed my husband and they went together to help Lee up and make sure that she was ok. Margie was out of town for a week or so, and my brother-in-law who is in the tween years was charged with picking up their mail everyday. So, our families were aware of Lee's situation and did our best to help her.
For the rest of the day, we were all very conscious of the fact that Lee may have been injured, but realized that Lee had explicitly told us to leave her alone.
I went to work and around 7pm, I got a text: "Lee fell in the kitchen and the door is locked, the police are here."
I wondered why Lee didn't press her Life Alert button, but knew that soon the cops would come to Starbucks and fill me in (as they stop by every night).
As the cops walked in and told us of their day, I asked after Lee. It turns out that she had fallen at 12 and didn't get picked up until 7. She was "waiting till the morning, gathering her strength, so that she could get up". She indicated that she didn't want to press her Life Alert because she didn't want to go to the hospital. The family was trying to help her out and she completely refused service from everyone. The cop told me that she is an extremely stubborn woman and he's worked with her before. He used the word ornery...
Well, Lee was taken by ambulance to the hospital to await Marjorie's return. We didn't hear from anyone for several days, but soon saw the cars in the driveway and Marjorie approached the family.
She indicated that Lee had had some brain injury (after having fallen several times that we may not even have been aware of) and Lee didn't even remember falling the second time. She remembers my mother-in-law bringing her into the house in the morning and waking up in the hospital. Marjorie indicated that my mother-in-law saved Lee's life as she was "out" until the police came into the house. If she had been left there, she would have died because Marjorie was not to be home for several more days.
Now, they have to have someone with her at all times.
My heart goes out to this family. The reason I relay this story is simply because sometimes in thinking about challenges of our futures and helping out our fellow neighbors, we glean knowledge and compassion for those around us. I'm terrified of Alzheimer's as it runs in my family. I haven't seen my grandparents in quite awhile, not that they'd remember me. However, I'm sick to my stomach thinking about what those who live near them must manage.
I'm not sure how much more time Lee has, but I wonder if this summer may be her last.
Over the last year, I've tried so hard to cook a manageable amount of food for my family. Unfortunately, we are not big on leftovers and unless I can recreate the meat-portion of dinner into something completely different, often the leftovers go uneaten. Therefore, I've worked hard to learn how to cook just for my family and not over-do it. In addition, part of the reason I embarked on this journey was because I needed to lose weight. I used to have that "there is only one more portion in the pot... I'll just finish it" attitude. Then, I was finishing off dinner every night and adding on the pounds. So, trying this new method of cooking was as much for my family as it was for me.
Yet, as I hosted Easter dinner at our place, I realized that I have the same affliction as my mother.
I cannot gage how much to make for a large crowd.
I looked it up online before I bought my hams and it suggested 1lb per person. Therefore, I had 14 people coming to the house and I ended up buying two hams...
Well, we only needed one.
So, now I have an entire ham + the leftovers from the first ham to somehow use up. Thankfully, I can freeze much of this for ham-sandwiches.
*sigh*
I need to learn how to properly gage how much to make.
