I've learned alot over the last several years, but one thing that I believe has made the most impact is the concept of slowing down. It is completely against my nature to slow down and not pre-plan or live a very goal-oriented life/day. In order to make this change, I realized that one of my husband's primary love-languages was "time spent". This means that he doesn't need me to do anything or accomplish anything in order for him to feel loved, instead he responds to moments together. Sometimes simply sitting next to one another and watching tv or having a cup of uninterrupted coffee (a nearly impossibly prospect in our family) accomplishes more than grand gifts or special dates. So, as I began to think about how I could best love him, I started to cultivate this skill.
Today, I had both Sophia and Jack fumbling through the flu and normally I would be running around the house cleaning and doing laundry to accomplish as much as I could to disinfect our world. Instead, I stopped and realized possibly the most healing thing I could do was to take time to cuddle with each of them. Of course, laundry was done and our bags were packed during nap-time, but when the kids were awake I attempted to simply be with them. As I laid there rubbing their backs and giving them little head-massages, my mind would quickly move to all the things I felt that I wanted to get done. Alas, I knew that if my primary objective was to get these two little ones healthy, I needed to simply be with them. After all, sometimes all a little kid needs is to have mom nearby.
The concept of slowing down also seems to spill into my attitude for this weekend. I saved up some money to have a special weekend away with my husband. We are staying at a nice hotel downtown and I've left the schedule for this weekend open. It has taken an extreme amount of determination to not research everything. Yes, I am the type that will look up the restaurant menu prior to actually dining. So, I have planned nothing for this weekend. I don't have a map of the skyways and don't have much experience downtown to rely on. It will be an adventure.
We will simply be together. That's the point. It's not about seeing the most important sights (although I'd like to go to Nicollet Mall at some point) or eating at specific restaurants. I've done my best to keep my mind focused on the point of the weekend. We are celebrating... together. Celebrating many accomplishments over the last year, graduation, and almost 7 years of marriage.
I hope that the kids continue to be on the mend so that tomorrow goes smoothly. I'm taking vitamins like they are a major food-group and fortifying my diet with lots of fruits and vegetables. After all, it would be so frustrating to be sick. However, when we drop off the kids at my mom's house, I will slow down. We will enjoy our time and focus only on the most important aspect of our weekend in downtown: being together.
What has slowing down and simply being in the moment taught you?
Jack and Sophia are at least on track despite the fact that they continue to have weights/heights that illuminate their petite genes.
We had Jack tested via the blood test for Celiac disease and won't know much for awhile, but at least we are on the right track.
In addition, Jack and Sophia have eaten today and have kept the food down! WHOO HOO!
Now, I'm just playing life safe and focusing on slowing things down and keeping the kids relaxed. I desperately want them to get completely better, and for now it looks like we might be ok.
So, tonight I got my shift covered for work and I'm going to just focus on keeping the little ones hydrated and happy.
We are supposed to have a romantic weekend away this weekend, and right now it looks like I'm going to lose my money. We've been planning this for over a month and I booked it over a month ago... and paid for it too :(
Jack hasn't had a solid diaper and continues to refuse food. If this wasn't enough, Sophia just threw up.
So, it might mean that Jack might be normal, just not having the yacking... because it's comin' out elsewhere. However, it doesn't give me much comfort as Friday is supposed to be the first day of our little vaca and now it's looking like we've got something running through our family AGAIN!!! I swear, this has got to stop! It's been months of this sort of crap and all I wanted was one weekend away with my man to celebrate. Now, it looks like I might have sickos.
*sigh*
k... now I vented... back to manning the washing machine
Right now, I'm trying really hard not to jump to conclusions and self-diagnose Jack, but am finding this task extremely difficult. So, I figured if I just blogged it, then I could place all my fears and worries out there and hopefully stop obsessing about it.
My daughter Bella was diagnosed with Celiac disease when she was 2 years old. It is a genetic disposition that has to be triggered in order to actually be manifested as a disease. In addition, it's an extremely hard disease to accurately diagnose because simple blood tests are not conclusive. Consequently, we went through several months of tests and finally a biopsy to determine that indeed she had Celiac disease. Therefore, she cannot have any wheat, rye, barley... etc. So, this is my background and since this disease carries a genetic component, I have been vigilant with my other children.
Jack has been a little out of sorts for weeks and has stopped eating normally. At first, I figured it was just a symptom of teething and possibly he just wasn't that hungry. Then, he got what could have been a virus yesterday and absolutely refused to eat anything. So, on the cusp of several weeks with little to no food, he goes an entire day without any food. He wouldn't even have ice-cream or milk-shakes! He had a temperature yesterday afternoon, which solidified in my mind that certainly he simply had the flu or some sort of virus. Not a problem, right???
This morning, shortly after I woke him up, I walked by him and was accosted by the smell of death eminanting from his diaper. Yes, this smell is unlike any dirty-diaper smell that I have ever had from him. However, when I armed myself with the necessary baby-bottom cleaning equipment (wipes), I noticed something different. This reminded me of something... now not to get all gross with what it looked and smelled like, just believe me that it is one of the major symptoms of Celiac disease.
When I saw it, a wash of memories poured back into my mind.
Of course, all day long I simply justified it to myself... he couldn't possibly have Celiac disease. It's just teething, virus, flu... etc.
Then, this evening another diaper filled with the stench of death was my little present before bedtime.
So, now I'm starting to kind of freak out. I have an appointment for him on Thursday and am trying extremely hard to stay calm. Unfortunately, all the emotions and fears that happened with Bella are starting to flood back. I know it's not the end of the world, if he has Celiac disease, that's ok. After all, it's not that big of a deal. I already know everything there is to know about cooking gluten-free and have modified almost every recipe to match this need in our family. Yet, why is my heart fluttering and the lump in my throat growing?
Possibly I am just not ready to think that my little boy could be this sick. So, there... my fears for the day are out of my head. I'm not sure this made me feel any better, but at least I'm not freaking out my family yet.
Today, I took the kids to a park and we enjoyed a picnic together as well as several hours of free time. As soon as I put Jack's feet to the ground, he immediately was off and running.
First, he needed to explore every portion of the park before settling in to play. He went up every step, around every slide, down every slide, dug with the little ditch-digger toy, hopped on all the moving animals, and managed to cover most of the playground with his wanderings. As I watched him explore, I pondered the gift of freedom. The other kids bounded around the playground exploring in their own ways. Soon, Cecelia and Bella were fully engaged in a game of tag and Sophia was ensuring that she had taken advantage of every slide. Every once in awhile, Sophia and Jack would pair up to tackle some obstacle within their way, but for the most part they freely played as they wanted to.
I sat in the middle of the park in the sunniest spot atop the play-structure and became the home-base for their play. I was happy to read and cuddle with them as they needed me. I cleaned out Sophia's shoes as she had attempted to play in the sand without shoes on, and then realized when putting her shoes back on that sand had somehow invaded the inside of her socks. I directed Jack up a ladder so that he could go down the biggest slide.
We ate our picnic and read the chapter-book we've been exploring together. It was a lovely time out.
As I considered our afternoon, I also noticed the hover-moms who need to follow their kids around in order to ensure that the kids enjoy every aspect of the park perfectly. I got the odd-look from the grandparent who was running around behind their little grandchild because I simply was letting my kids be free. Is it so odd in this day-in-age to let the kids play? Has playtime become so structured, that our children's natural curiosity is not enough to propel them from swing to slide to jungle gym? Am I the crazy one for not following them around?
I wonder... is it the fear that somehow our society has placed upon parents to be ever vigilant? Are we to follow them around in order to ensure that not only does the two year old boy not get abducted, but God-forbid... hurt himself?
At one moment, Jack came puttering around the slide with a frown on his face. He was possibly 30 feet away from me and pointed to his head. He said: "head hurt". I asked if he needed me to look at it and/or kiss it. He turned on his heel and was off. Jack needed to tell me that he hurt himself, but did not actually need me to rush over and make sure that his bump was indeed harmless. Obviously he hadn't hurt himself that badly, because he was no longer frowning as he raced away.
I suppose the flip side is that not only do those other parents believe I am not thinking of the safety of my children, but also must consider me a disconnected mother. Alas, if they would see the excitement in the kids eyes as we layed on the grass this afternoon in our own corner of the world and read about worlds and adventures that capture their imaginations, then the connectedness might be fully realized. In addition, being connected with the kids, is not just about following them around, but also allowing them to explore. After all, children have active imaginations, they will ask me questions and pull me into their games as they explore. As I said, home-base is often visited for some reason or another. Sophia was in her own little world and drew me in with conversations about her friends and princesses in her castle. Is it not enough that I allow them to bring their stories, questions, and discoveries to me?
So... guess I'm just thinking...
Has society structured play-time? Is it necessary? What do you think? Has playtime become work? Do kids need to achieve and explore the playground in such a perfect way that they cannot enjoy it on their own? What if Jack can't reach the biggest slide because he is not equipped with the ability to climb up the rope ladder? Do I need to carry him up?
My answer is: "NO!" There are limits to his abilities and as he attempts to climb up a structure that is too big for him, he will realize his mistake and move on. He might attempt it in different ways and finally achieve his objective, but I do not need to carry him over every hurdle in order to make sure that he does everything on the playground.
So... I'm curious... what are your thoughts? Does anyone remember the "good-ol-days" when kids were allowed to play freely? What is wrong with this approach?
